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About Deviant Artist John MonahanMale/United States Recent Activity
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Anecdotes: Manhasset
After the embarrassing incident of getting his foot stuck in a bucket in Nantucket, Chuck Kitt decided to leave town and get a fresh start. So he moved to Manhasset, a hamlet on the north shore of Long Island. Locating a small apartment on Stassett Street, he tried to restart his insurance business. But since he didn't know anyone, it was hard to attract customers.
One day it seemed that he would finally get a break. A man named Cass Rassett, seeing his ad in the Manhasset newspaper, called him and made an appointment to secure a large policy. The Rassett home was not far away. So on the day of the appointment, Chuck walked from Stassett to Glass Set Lane to see Cass Rassett.
The first thing he noticed as he entered the Rassett home was a large dog. "This is Dasset," Cass Rassett told him. "He's a purebred basset hound, and my greatest asset. I've made a fortune in stud fees, and as long as Dasset lives I'll continue to amass it. So I want to take out a life insurance policy on him." J
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Ghost Stories: Dunbarton Ghost
Many people believe in ghosts, but few agree on their nature. Yes, they are disembodied spirits of dead people, but why are they here and not hereafter? Some think they are being punished for some horrible sin in their past life. Others claim they left something important unfinished and cannot rest until it's completed. A few would say they are merely too wicked to ascend to heaven and instead delight in tormenting the living.
There is also disagreement about what ghosts can do. They can be heard -- moans and clanking chains are common -- and sometimes they can be seen, spectrally. But can they move objects, and if so, how large an object? Can they communicate? Are they confined to the area of their death, or can they roam around the countryside? And what is the purpose of their manifestations?
This, by way of introduction, brings me to the tale of the Dunbarton Ghost. If the eyewitness accounts are to be believed, there is little doubt about the nature and purpose of this ghost. His n
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Urban Legends: The Hitchhiker
This is a true story: it happened to my friend's roommate in college many years ago. He had gone to party at a singles bar in a nearby city, but it was a slow night and he finally left around midnight. While driving back to campus, he spotted a young woman walking along the side of the road. He stopped and asked her where she was going; she gave an address only about a mile from campus, so of course he volunteered to take her home. She accepted and got into his car. During the short drive he attempted to make small talk, but she didn't respond to him at all. When he finally got to her house, though, she thanked him, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and strode up the sidewalk. Surprised by the kiss, it took him a few seconds to notice that the girl had left her scarf in his car. He grabbed it and jumped out, but couldn't see her anywhere. So he walked up to the door of the house and knocked.
A middle-aged man answered the door. When the student explained his errand, the man nodded sa
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Duck Tales: Duck Supremist
Upon a farm there lived a duck
With feathers white as fresh clean snow,
And every day he'd run amok
About the colors others show.
He blamed the cow for being brown
(As if that mattered in the least:
Her milk was held in high renown,
A pitcher graced each formal feast.)
The racehorse was a dappled gray,
Which color earned the duck's cruel scorn;
The horse ignored him on his way,
A prize his mane would soon adorn.
The dog a coat of golden wore;
Duck's words for this made chickens weep.
But he continued with his chore
To herd the farmer's pure-white sheep.
At last the duck made one mistake,
The consequence could be foreseen:
While swimming in a nearby lake
He mocked a croc for being green.
So, sliding quickly through the muck,
The reptile opened wide his snout
And gobbled up the foolish duck;
His antics left him no way out.
The moral should be clear to see:
It matters not your outward hue;
Your heart determines who you are...
Your bite determines how you'll do.
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Tall Tales: Good News Gus
You've probably heard of Paul Bunyan, the giant lumberjack, whose efforts changed the Great Forest into the Great Plains. You may also know about Pecos Bill, the cowboy who rode a tornado like a bronco and used a rattlesnake for a lasso. But there's another man whose tale is not widely known: he was called Good News Gus.
Gus was not exceptionally tall or strong. In fact there was only one thing unique about him, and that was his smile, almost but not quite a grin. People who saw him smile always felt better about life, and usually smiled in return for no reason except that it seemed the right thing to do. When asked why he smiled so much, Gus replied, "Because of all the good news." Bear in mind, this was back in the late 1930s, when the nation's economy was still recovering from the Great Depression and war was on the horizon in Europe. So some questioned what good news Gus could mean. His response: "A thousand babies were born healthy today – that's good news. Millions of worker
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100. Relaxation
So now I’ve reached the contest end at last,
And all one hundred poems have been displayed.
I have achieved the posting goal I made
Of one per day – the time went by so fast!
And hopefully the viewers who have read
Have found light entertaining verse at times,
Or else discovered here within the rhymes
Some different thoughts to stimulate their head.
To those who gave me comments, thanks to you:
Your typed responses always let me know
That someone cared enough to let it show,
And that gave me the strength to see it through.
Now though I’ll say this contest has been fun,
I'm glad there's not a theme for one-oh-one!
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99. Solitude
When I am alone –
Wife and children out with friends –
I can really learn.
Solitude has shown
Where I need to make amends,
To what goals I yearn.
Still, though I have grown,
I'm not sorry when it ends,
When my loves return.
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98. Puzzle
A C T I O N S Y   Our lives can be a        
E Z O C N G H Y   When we don’t      what lies ahead.
Q X T R D I D O   But if we       history
P R I O R U P Z   We’ll see where       choices led.
I M Y S T E R Y   Like lines within a           grid
C P G S K M C X   The         of our lives connect,
T I K W N P L T   So looking at the things we    
U E I O O T B W   Can tell us what is now        .
R C Z R W Y J V   And when we put each       in place,
E E U D L I F E   A         forms that we can see;
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97. Safety First
What should we follow: “Look before you leap”,
Or maybe “He who hesitates is lost”?
For each endeavor, should we count the cost,
Or forge ahead before the flood gets deep?
It's popular these days to jump right in,
To be spontaneous without a plan,
And trust to luck and instinct that you can
Recover from mistakes, through thick and thin.
One key consideration that I find:
If, as you go, you lose your way and fail,
You may not easily retrace the trail –
Some errors are too harmful to unwind.
So plan ahead, with safety first, I say;
Success will come when caution guides your way.
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96. In the Storm
Remember when your life was tossed and turned
And solid ground was oh so far away?
I'm sure you can recall that kind of day:
No hope of rescue, head and stomach churned.
Fearful disciples, sailing on a boat
Amid a storm, cried out to One asleep,
“Lord, save us!” He awoke and calmed the deep;
“Look to your faith,” He scolded them afloat.
So when we're in a storm of any kind,
Our best course is to pray with confidence;
No fear or doubt should keep us on the fence.
And fix this story firmly in your mind;
Like those disciples, safety is assured –
Look to the One Who stills storms with a word.
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95. Advertisement
You'll find it at your local store,
Improved, now better than before;
Provides your body's daily need –
Your satisfaction guaranteed.
Four-fifths of doctors recommend
The nutrients within this blend
Of natural ingredients;
This coupon saves you fifty cents.
(Supplies are limited, act fast;
This special offer may not last.)
It's made with pride by folks you know;
Get some today and watch us grow.
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94. Last Hope
My first hope is the Lord, Who makes me live;
He surely has a plan in mind for me.
My second hope is friends and family,
Together we find love and strength to give.
My third hope is my work, for through my skill
Not only money, but respect is earned.
My fourth hope is my writing: I have learned
That words survive, though age or sickness kill.
But my last hope is God again, because
He's promised me eternal life with Him,
And through His blood that hope can never dim,
A gift I could not gain obeying laws.
In life all hopes give guidance I can claim;
In death my only hope is in His Name.
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93. Give Up
This contest is too long! I quit, I'm through;
I cannot write another rhyming line.
To give up now will suit my mood just fine,
So adiós, no más, that's all I'll do.
These themes are arbitrary, I insist,
And it's been tough to think of things to say.
So I give up, I'll take a holiday.
Bye-bye to writing, you will not be missed.
Don't try to tell me I'm too close to stop.
I see the numbers, but I just don't care;
My rhyming days are done, no more to spare.
Farewell, my mind's made up, just let it drop.
I'm going to post the works already done,
And then that's it, I quit, I'm through... I've won.
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92. All That I Have
All that I have I give to You,
The One who always sees me through
The highs and lows of life and love,
Who gives me wisdom from above;
All praise and honor is Your due.
All that I know or ever knew
Confirms to me Your Word is true,
And You're the great Provider of
All that I have.
All that I've done and hope to do,
All of my virtues (far too few),
My world and all the joys thereof,
The Holy Spirit like a dove,
Yes, everything depends on You:
All that I have.
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91. Drowning
His life was far from perfect, it appears.
Each workday brought more forms to fill and file,
And he was drowning in the paper pile –
The backlog grew so fast, it would take years.
So after work he hit the bar each day
To drown his sorrows with a shot or three.
His friends were glad to drink with him (for free),
But when his cash ran out, so too did they.
One night in his apartment he broke down,
And, drowning in his tears that flowed like rain,
He took an overdose to end the pain;
They found him in the tub, he'd gone to drown.
His workmates all were stunned and wondered why;
Indifference had drowned out his silent cry.
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Exciting news (for me, anyway): MBryn and calivinguy are joining me for a new series called "Tales by the Fire". We're going to take turns choosing a topic and then each of us will write a short story on that theme. I'll track them here. These stories are mainly for our own amusement, but others are welcome to listen in.

First Topic: Tall Tales
  Good News Gus by jmonahan
  Jesus Jones by calivinguy
  Melvin the Intern by MBryn

Second Topic: Duck Tales
  Three Little Ducks by calivinguy
  Duck Supremist by jmonahan
  Boom by MBryn

Third Topic: Urban Legends
  Kidneys by MBryn
  The Hitchhiker by jmonahan
  Pop Rocks War by calivinguy

Fourth Topic: Ghost Stories
  The Dunbarton Ghost by jmonahan
  The Day I Died by calivinguy

Fifth Topic: Anecdotes
  Nantucket by calivinguy
  Manhasset by jmonahan


John Monahan
United States


Add a Comment:
calivinguy Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2009
When I really think about it, I don't have to write a satire on Buddha. After all, I didn't criticize Jesus, just Paul. But expect a treatment on Zen Master I Ching soon.
TheAnyone Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
100 poems in 95 days, quite a feat :clap:
jmonahan Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
Thank you! :bow: You're quite far along too, so I hope you will join me at the 100 mark.
TheAnyone Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I'll try my best :)
calivinguy Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
Man, you write way too quickly. I'm gonna have to pull a few all nighters to beat you.
jmonahan Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
Bring it on! I've been wondering what happened to Jeffrey Zinsky.
calivinguy Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
Me too
calivinguy Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2009
Another Contest

This one has prizes, so ... get on it.
jmonahan Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2009
It, on, got.
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